10 Things Leaftail Can't Do
by Hime Yuki-san
Summary: A poem involving my old OC, Leaftail, complaining about the characters from Warriors. Don't flame, pweeeaaase. :3 This is my first poem and I kinda fail. Warriors c Erin Hunter. Rated T for minor-ish language.


**10 Things Leaftail Can't Do :3**

A sleek, black she-cat was sat in a corner of a musty room, grains of light filtering through a crack in the room. Her green eyes glistened like emeralds in the shadows, concealing her emotions. She stared into the floor, blankly reading the patterns in the dust forming on the ground, "Hello, everyone. All of the cats of my Clan don't let me do what I want and it's not fair! I just want to shrivel away in despair."

"For example,

**FIRST RULE:**

Firestar skips ahead of my comedy shows,

If he sees me watching any, he scratches me on the nose.

(And I have a damn lot of scratches on my nose.)

**SECOND RULE:**

Bluestar banned me for a week from eating goldenrod*,

If she sees me eating any, she-

Well, I can't say, it's explicit; but she's a little SOD!

(Oh, I'm sorry. My bad for those who aren't English. Just an English swear word. :3)

**THIRD RULE:**

Tigerstar hides away my manga stuff,

If he sees me reading any, he just huffs.

Then he stalks up to me and unsheathes his claws,

He declares, 'If you don't stop, I'll rip off your paws.'

(Sadistic, I know. That's Tigerstar, I guess.)

**FOURTH WALL-uh, RULE:**

Greystripe announced that Millie was having more kits,

I felt so sick that I went into a fit.

How many litters has she had? Maybe five or six?

I asked Greystripe that, but he threw me in a ditch.

And now I'm not allowed to mention any kit of hers,

If I ever do again, he'll rip out my fur.

(And he said that knowing how much I loved my fur.)

**FIFTH RULE:**

I read _The Darkest Hour _one day and almost threw up,

When Dustpelt made that hint, I wanted him to shut up.

And-

(Oh? I said up twice? Sorry…I'm not that great at this. Yuki's forcing me to do this. Okay…anyway…)

Did he really love Fernpaw? But she's too young!

There's too big an age gap for them to have fun!

(Ew. Sorry. I couldn't think of anything else.)

I told 'em what I thought and Dustpelt growled at me:

"You won't ever understand the love between her and me!"

(Oh. I said me twice. SORRY! Anyhow…)

And now I'm not allowed to tease them at all,

'Cuz Dustpelt'll chuck me off a cliff and let me fall.

**SIXTH RULE:**

At first, Squirrelflight was an annoying little bitch,

Like Greystripe did to me, I wanted to throw her in a ditch.

Eventually, though, she didn't seem so bad,

But then I realised what she and Ashfur had.

I almost felt sorry for Brambleclaw,

It probably seemed to him like he was going through _SAW_.

Ashfur wanted to play a game,

Brambleclaw thought he was insane.

(Well, he is.)

I defended Brambleclaw and declared to Ashfur:

'Hey! Do you even realise that Brambleclaw's hurt?

Why'd you take Squirrelflight away from him?'

Then Ashfur got angry and stabbed me with a pin.

And now I'm not allowed anger him again,

Otherwise I'll be meeting his new friend Pain.

(And lemme tell ya, Pain isn't a nice guy.)

**SEVENTH RULE: **

At first, Leafpool was your average cat,

Apart from the fact she has visions and other crap.

Eventually, though, she turned into a freak,

What happened to her normal personality?

She suddenly got obsessed with Crowfeather,

And at first I thought she was just under the weather.

But yes, it's true; she has feelings for him,

Then I got angry and felt like stabbing her with a pin.

Their love is against the warrior code,

Why can't Leafpool just stay in her abode?

She completely ignored the laws of StarClan,

(Despite the fact that she's a medicine cat?)

And then became Crowfeather's No.1 fan.

They fled from the Clans to be together,

Until I arrived to make things better.

I demanded that they split and stayed loyal to their Clans,

Then they got pissed and hit me with a metal fan.

And now I'm not allowed to mention the pair again,

Because if I did, they'd tie me with chains.

**EIGHTH RULE**

Is it just me or is Hollyleaf mad?

How the bloody hell did she turn so bad?

Besides, why does she,

Look the same as me?

(She was probably based off me. I wasn't based off of her. Honest. :3)**

Seriously,

That fact's more annoying than a flea.

I'm the only cool black she-cat around,

She-cats like her can leave this town.

By the way, how the hell did she survive,

That cave falling on her? She didn't even die!

Is she some sort of Invinco-Cat?

Erin Hunter obviously forgot the fact,

That cats can't survive caves falling on them,

Unless, like I said, her life won't end.

I asked her about all of that one day,

And then she replied, 'Geez, you're so GAY!'

And now I can't talk about that incident,

If I did, she'd make me scream just like an infant.

**NINTH RULE**

I don't actually get how Squirrelflight didn't know,

That Jayfeather had no idea where to go.

He was blind out of his mind,

And I got scared out of my head,

When he fell in love with that stick,

I actually wanted to be sick.

A stick isn't even an animate thing,

Next thing you know, he'll be givin' it a ring.

And then he'll ask it to be his wife,

(Even though cats don't marry.)

And then his heart was struck with strife.

'Cuz Lionblaze was so freakin' pissed off,

That he grabbed a gun and let that stick get shot.

Then Jayfeather cried and cried forever,

Until I came along 'n' said, 'It'll get better.

'Cuz now I have your new girlfriend,'

I showed him the lousy rock that was just down the bend,

And he said, 'YOU'RE SO GAY, YOU DON'T EVEN COUNT AS A FRIEND!'

And then he kicked me across the land,

Showing off his gleaming white 'n' sharp fangs.

And now I'm not allowed to hook him up,

'Cuz he'll say, 'GO AWAY, YOU STUPID F***!'

(Whoops. Pardon my French!)

**TENTH RULE**

Berrynose; what sort of name is that?

Did Firestar just pull it out of a hat?

First of all, there's nothing wrong with your nose,

It's your tail that's always star of the show.

I mean; what the hell, how short is that thing?

I mean; sure, it got caught in a metal ring.

Oh, yeah, it's called a…uh, fox trap,

Those things that were dotted all over the map.

Anyhow…what was I saying? Oh, yeah.

But despite that, he looks like a complete twat.

It's no wonder he gets laughed at.

What the hell did Honeyfern see in him?

That tail he's got; it's unbearably thin.

At first, I thought that it was good for her sake,

That she saved Briarlight just to get killed by a snake.

Who would want to be with that cream-colored brat?

Until Poppyfrost came and called me fat.

Apparently, she'd fallen in love with him,

And she fancied him just like her twin.

(Oh. Wait. Poppyfrost and Honeyfern were sisters. Sure. Whatever.)

Then she attacked me with tooth and claw,

And didn't give a damn it was against the law.

And now I'm not allowed to insult Berrynose,

Otherwise Poppyfrost will drench me with a hose.

(And since y'all are Twolegs, you won't know what it feels like to be a cat getting drenched. It's pretty bad.)"

Leaftail breathed out heavily and started to scratch words into the floor below her.

**Screw You All~!**

"And, now it's official that there's no wait,

Because I must say; it's all those cats that I hate!"

Leaftail's glazed jade eyes widened in alarm as she shrunk back against the wall, withdrawing herself in fear. Mouths were spitting at her and eyes were glaring at her.

"And, now I'm afraid, I must say goodbye,

Because, you see, I'm just about to die."

**First poem I've ever done. Whew! *breaths sigh of relief* How was it? Don't flame if it sucked…I'm not good at that kinda thing. Leaftail was my current OC Leafeye's original name, plus she looked different from Leafeye and acted different too. That's why I thought Leaftail would suit this better than Leafeye. Please review! I'm open to any comments or constructive criticism. Any flaming and I'll find something to flame you about. :3**

**Notes:**

*** = Leaftail had an addiction to eating goldenrod.**

**** = Yep. Leaftail also has a habit of breaking the fourth wall. :3**

**DISCLAIMER: Firestar, Bluestar, Tigerstar, Greystripe, Millie, Dustpelt, Ferncloud, Squirrelflight, Ashfur, Brambleclaw, Leafpool, Crowfeather, Hollyleaf, Jayfeather, Lionblaze, Berrynose, Honeyfern and Poppyfrost and _Warriors _are all owned by Erin Hunter. All I own is Leaftail and the poem!**


End file.
